I think everyone must have had such a moment, when you thought, "wow I've got something brilliant in my mind which I need to jot it down so everyone will think that I'm such a genius", but when you actually didn't type/write/scribble it down it's gone.
I've nothing brilliant to share, but just something I wanna record.
Currently listening to I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz, a song playing on someone's blog I stumbled upon.
I feel lonely easily (and almost all the time) when I'm with some people I call "friends".
But why "friends" with the apostrophe? (#nowplaying Shounen Camera by GUMI)
There were always a group of people who shone brightly in the class, not because they are smarter or better, but because they know how to have fun. (Not really fun, sometimes, it's just they have the need to laugh.)
Right now, I am tired of having this type of "we are friends, but we're not really that close" friendships. It's like your friend will choose another person over you when doing some tasks, or even worse, betrays you.
I understand that no one is perfect, no one will always care for the others, everyone is selfish. And that's the main reason why I normally don't blame on the others when I'm facing troubles and instead work things out by myself. (Perhaps it's just me who was trained this way since young. I have always thought that my parents are lucky to have such thoughtful children like us orz.)
I knew I've always had the problem(s) with socializing. However, sometimes I thought that it was the experience from the past that has been haunting me which caused the build-up of a self defense system which prevents me from getting too close with the others. The past has also taught me that if you're not sharing a common topic with another person, it would be very difficult for you guys to be close friends, which has brought up to another question: What if I liked something which is unique to the community? For example: I like utaite, they like k-pop stars (I also like some k-pop stars anyway hehe). I felt sad because I have no one to share my feelings (Thank god I have a sister).
(found in my drafts)
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